Numbers don’t lie

Market research is a serious discipline. Survey results can sabotage new product launches, send creatives scuttling back to the drawing board, and forever change the endings of Hollywood movies. But did you ever wonder who these masses are, exactly, that wield such power over marketers?
Here - courtesy of real telephone polls conducted for Michael Moore's now defunct series TV Nation - is a chance to delve into some lesser-known opinions held by the fickle folks you entrust with those million-dollar decisions.

Market research is a serious discipline. Survey results can sabotage new product launches, send creatives scuttling back to the drawing board, and forever change the endings of Hollywood movies. But did you ever wonder who these masses are, exactly, that wield such power over marketers?

Here – courtesy of real telephone polls conducted for Michael Moore’s now defunct series TV Nation – is a chance to delve into some lesser-known opinions held by the fickle folks you entrust with those million-dollar decisions.

* 39% of Americans believe that guns are not ‘as dangerous as they say.’

* 29% believe that Elvis was right to shoot TV sets.

* 88% of Americans who voted for George W. Bush ‘have no idea what rappers are talking about.’

* 35% of those surveyed believe Richard Nixon went to heaven. 59% believe he went ‘someplace else.’

* 60% say that if they could push a button that would make Larry King disappear, they would ‘keep pushing it and not stop.’

* 37% of Americans agree that while they would hate being British, they wouldn’t mind having a British accent.

* 28% of those who said they were ‘normal’ Americans would like to be King of Great Britain, but not if it meant marrying the Queen.

* More Americans say they would rather spend time in a Jacuzzi with Dan Rather than Tom Brokaw. Of those who want to tub with Dan, 10% have no health insurance.

* 36% of college graduates think that there are virtually no female serial killers because women ‘just aren’t aggressive enough.’

* 17% of college graduates would punch themselves really hard in the face for $50.

* 28% of Americans think that the army’s high tech military equipment is too expensive to risk in combat.

Source: Widgery & Associates polls conducted for TV Nation. Margin of Error: +/- 9%.