If you’re tired of pens and keyfobs, don’t despair. There’s a whole world of promotional products out there that shriek

(sometimes literally) ‘I’m different.’ Here are some real listings from some real P&I catalogues…

Collapse Alert

‘This unit will be automatically triggered if the person wearing it falls down, or it can be triggered by pulling the pin. It has a 115 dB ear-piercing siren. Suitable for elderly/sick/disabled persons, night-shift workers, small children, joggers, etc.’

Manufacturer: Global Inventions, Kowloon,

Hong Kong

Testicular Self-Exam Chart (hangs in shower)

‘White vinyl plastic. Ad copy silkscreened in one standard colour on front only. Stock chart is pre-printed on front and back.’

Manufacturer: Pilgrim Plastic Products, Boston, Mass.

Mosquito Repeller Watch

‘A unique shaped watch incorporating a mosquito repeller device.’

Manufacturer: Global Inventions, Kowloon, Hong Kong

Graphic Image Bow Ties

‘Bow ties are available with a clip or adjustable band. Standard size is 2 ¼’ wide. They are only available using the all-over print.’

Manufacturer: Carter & Holmes, Chicago, Ill.

Stars & Stripes Bandage Dispenser

Available in ‘white, desert mauve, sky blue, mint green and sunflower yellow.’ Price includes one colour imprint on front side. Features an American flag and the words ‘Helping America Heal…’

Manufacturer: Quickpoint, Fenton, Missouri

Drive Alert

‘The unit will be activated when the head begins to nod forward. It is light, compact, and is comfortable to wear. An excellent unit for tired car drivers, computer freaks, etc.’

Manufacturer: Global Inventions, Kowloon, Hong Kong