The Bachelor II

(8-10 x 60 min.)

Citytv, Wednesdays 9-10 pm

the story: Oh baby, another Bachelor. Same premise as last year applies: cute women, cheesy make-out scenes, bad breath and one rich, lovelorn man… can you say ‘addictive?’

the cast: 25 hotties (more realistically, perhaps 10) and one lucky, wife-seeking man.

the verdict: If The Bachelor’s producers really wanted to make a splash, they should have included more – or at least one – cat-fight sequence. Meow! Viewers of last year’s instalment either loved or hated the reality series, and this year will be no different. Apparently there are extra episodes planned. Sounds like overkill to me.

the backing: The team from Telepictures Productions (Mike Fleiss et al) have put together such remarkable fodder as Celebrity Justice and Love Connection, and are riding the coattails of yet another tired reality show concept. Aren’t people tired of reality programming yet? Since it follows the second season of Star Trek: Enterprise, maybe it will inspire all those bitter, misunderstood Trekkies to get a date.

Beastmaster

(66 x 60 min.)

New to Citytv, Thursdays 8-9 pm

the story: Based on the fantasy novel by Andre Norton, Beastmaster ‘chronicles the adventures of Dar, the last surviving male of the storied Sula Tribe, who is blessed with the ability to communicate telepathically with the animals of the ancient world.’ Basically, he kicks evil butt while swapping recipes with the king of the jungle.

the cast: Aussie import Daniel Goddard as Dar the Beastmaster (wouldn’t you like that on your business card), Jackson Raine as Tao, Emilie de Ravin as Curupira, the Demon (scratch that, I want ‘the demon’ on my business card) and scores of other unknowns.

the verdict: Although it has already aired for three seasons on sister station The New VR (where all syndie fantasy programs go to die), City sees an audience hungry for cheesy fantasy on its flagship station (and it is, after all, the Federation Station). Yeah, hunky Goddard’s scantily-clad, bulging biceps are nice eye-candy, but that still doesn’t disguise the un-special effects and plot. It’s one of those programs you’re embarrassed to be caught watching.

the backing: Brought to life by executive producer Steven Feke (Profiler, Missing Persons).

This Week in Fashion

(30 min.)

Citytv, Sundays 3-3:30 pm

the story: Milking CHUM’s new digital FashionTelevisionChannel for all it’s worth, the show features segments on interior and industrial design, mixed with designer profiles and fashion trends. Hosted by fashion guru Jeanne Beker with contributions from CHUM regulars Glen Baxter and Lana Ogilvie.

the cast: Beker (FT-FashionTelevision), Baxter and Ogilvie, plus some cool buildings that you wish you worked or lived in.

the verdict: Expect the usual neo-lounge soundtrack and the trademark narrative-less, on-screen reading material (why does CHUM continue to force its audience to read instead of hiring a narrator?). This Week in Fashion offers little in substance but much in neat, quirky design tidbits. A perfect show for cocktail party banter.

the backing: Also runs on FashionTelevisionChannel.

The Review

(30 min.)

Citytv, Sundays 3:30-4 pm

the story: A weekly roundup of repurposed FashionTV material. The half-hour show will feature a retrospective on a designer’s career one week and highlight the sexiest fashion shows of the season the next. That’s versatility.

the cast: Hosted by Glen Baxter and Lana Ogilvie.

the verdict: Geared to fashionphiles, The Review is the second part of City’s hour-long Sunday afternoon haute couture marathon. Up to three fashion shows in a row could prove to be overkill, but it could also end up being addictive.

the backing: Also runs on City’s digital FashionTelevisionChannel.

JKX: The Jamie Kennedy Experiment

(17 x 30 min.)

Citytv/WB, Sundays 8-8:30 pm

the story: Stand up comic-turned-actor Jamie Kennedy takes a note out of Tom Green’s book with his new show. Pegged as a ‘hilarious comedy/reality series,’ JKX goes for lowbrow humour with silly gags – like taking a run at choreographing the Laker girls, resulting in confused babes slapping into each other – and elaborate practical jokes with hidden cameras and a little bit of sketch comedy. It actually sounds promising.

the cast: Jamie Kennedy (Scream, Three Kings) and bunch of suckers without a sense of humour.

the verdict: If Kennedy stays far enough away from Tom Green-isms (hopefully he’ll keep his parents and raccoon carcasses out of the program) and goes with his strength, creating funny misguided characters, JKX just might stick around. The biggest hurdle is that the show airs at the same time as The Simpsons, and as much as I delight in seeing the Laker girls bounce and smack into each other, Homer always takes precedence.

the backing: From executive producers Jamie Kennedy, Fax Bahr and Adam Small (MAD TV, In Living Color), and Mike Karz (Max Keeble’s Big Move), the series is produced by Bahr Small Productions and Karz Entertainment in association with Warner Bros. Television and Big Ticket Television, a Paramount/Viacom company.

The John Walsh Show

(60 min.)

Citytv, Monday-Friday, 5-6 pm

the story: Syndicated issue-oriented talk show featuring America’s Most Wanted icon and tireless (tiring?) victim’s rights advocate, John Walsh. A chance to hear Walsh prattle on about current events as if he’s really doing something about them.

the cast: John Walsh and a gaggle of sniveling, mindless, bible-thumping, middle-American whiners.

the verdict: Giving Walsh an even bigger soapbox to stand on could be a huge mistake, as it provides him a chance to preach instead of breaking down the events of the day. On the other hand, he could actually have something interesting to say – the way Pat Sajak did when he had his own talk show (sigh).

the backing: Produced by NBC Enterprises. Many are calling Walsh ‘the next Phil Donahue.’ Is that good or bad?